with the lights along the window
by tiredavatar
Summary: ""I'm kind of in love with you, you know." Christmas time in the Potter household. [Sirius/James/Lily]
1. with the lights along the window

**happy december! this was something i wrote just to boost my nano count but then it turned into peak Soft Content, so.**

* * *

"You know," Sirius says one Sunday afternoon whilst they're doing the washing up, elbows deep in soapy water, "I don't think I've ever had a _proper_ Christmas."

James looks up from the plate he's drying. Water winds down his fingers and drips off his palm, landing on floor with a persistent _pat_. "You what now?"

"Honestly." Sirius continues. He tries to pass the saucepan he'd finished washing over, and huffs when he finds that James' hands are still full. "I genuinely do not think I've ever had a proper Christmas."

"So the parties my parents have every year are just… what? Pretend?" James raises an eyebrow, groans at the wet patch forming on the hem of his t-shirt and shoves the plate back into the cupboard. It rattles, and he casts a scathing look at it before slamming the door shut.

Sirius hands him the saucepan and then moves onto the next round of cutlery. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"No, I know." James sighs. He rubs at his forehead with the back of his free hand. He flicks the tea towel over his shoulder and eases the saucepan back onto its hook. "Alright, we'll ignore the fact my parents sometimes forget which of us is their actual child and therefore consider Christmas with you to _count_. What do you want to do about it?"

Sirius drops the spoons he'd been holding into the washing up bowl and leans his arms against the counter, face pulled into a thoughtful frown. "I don't… I don't know. Something different."

"You're impossible." James smiles and reaches out to smooth his hands over Sirius' tense shoulders. "Think on it – we'll do whatever you want, alright?"

Sirius looks up, frown relaxing into a gentle smile and he lifts a hand to cup James' cheek. The resounding squawk when wet fingers meet James' face has him breaking out into what can only be described as giggles. When James has stopped scrubbing his face dry and the scowl has lifted, Sirius turns to him properly and loops his arms around his neck. "I'm kind of in love with you, you know."

"That's good." James manages to croak back, mouth suddenly dry. He blinks a few times. "Because I'm kind of in love with you too." He leans forward, presses chapped lips to the soft skin of Sirius' cheek and breathes him in.

"Why are we declaring love to each other in the kitchen?" Lily asks, appearing in the doorway as if summoned by magic. She's smiling, all soft and glow-y under the overhead light in the hallway. "And can I get in on it?"

James doesn't say anything, just pulls back enough to watch Sirius' face carefully. He sees the way Sirius' breath hitches, and the way he bites his bottom lip. He _feels_ the way his shoulders relax.

"'Course, Evans." Sirius says after a few moments. He beckons her over with the waggle of a finger and huffs out a laugh when she crashes into them. The force of it makes them stumble a few paces, James' hip crashing into the counter and making him wince.

"Sorry." Lily murmurs, looking anything but. She's got her face buried in the crook of Sirius' neck, and an arm wrapped firmly around each of their waists. "Now, I seem to recall something about declarations of love." She gives James a pointed look, lips twitching when he lets out a long-suffering sigh.

"I, James Fleamont Potter," he rolls his eyes at her inelegant snort, "do love thee, Lily Evans more than I can articulate at this present moment."

"Impressive." Sirius says, winking at Lily when she glances up at him. "All I get is an 'I'm kind of in love with you', but _you_?" He gets cut off when James kisses him, laughing into it breathlessly.

When they pull away from each other, Sirius' face is a little pink and Lily rubs her thumb over his cheekbone. "I, Lily Evans," she begins, waiting until Sirius is looking at her properly. The hand she has resting on his hip tightens. "Do love thee, Sirius Orion Black, more than the number of stars in the sky."

"That doesn't even make _sense_." Sirius grumbles, but he pulls Lily further into his personal space. James coughs lightly, staring up at the ceiling when Sirius looks at him even as his lips twitch. "Jesus, okay, _fine._ I, Sirius Orion Black do love thee, James Fleamont Potter. To the furthermost reaches of the universe, and the deepest depths of the oceans."

James' cheeks hurt from trying not to smile. "See? Was that so hard?"

"Yes." Sirius mutters, pulling himself free. He dips a hand back into the washing up bowl and tuts. "The water's gone cold."

Lily nudges him out of the way. "I'll finish it, if you want."

Sirius nudges back and then waves a hand in James' face. "I dry, you put away."

"Sir, yes, sir." James answers, doing as he's told.

"Did you know," James says later, when they're all curled up on the sofa together watching a nature documentary about penguins, "that Sirius has never had a proper Christmas."

Sirius, who has his head in James' lap, legs thrown over the arm of the sofa so that his bare toes just about reach the floor, groans. "Don't start." He warns without much heat.

"I'm being serious." James grins, stroking a hand through Sirius' hair and pulling gently at the tangles. He eases the hairband Sirius had been using to keep his hair in a stubby ponytail over his wrist and lets the strands fan out over his fingers.

Lily looks at him over the rim of her mug, knee knocking into his thigh as she shifts. "Oh?"

"Just… never really had much of a choice." Sirius says quietly. He doesn't bother expanding and falls silent, frowning up at the ceiling.

"Hey," James says, wrapping his fingers around the wrist Sirius has resting on his chest. "I wasn't making fun of you."

Sirius twists his hand, so he can rub his knuckle over James' fingers. "I know."

"So what _do_ you want to do?" Lily asks, freeing a hand from her mug so she can take over stroking Sirius' hair. It's an awkward angle, but neither of them seems to mind.

"I don't know." He says. "What do people usually do?" He smirks up at James. " _Normal_ people, I mean. I know what obnoxiously rich people do."

Lily thinks about it for a moment. "A less expensive version of what obnoxiously rich people do, I suppose." She grins when Sirius laughs, rough and crackly around the edges.

"What about a road trip?" He asks, tilting his head so he can look at both of them. "Is that a thing people do at Christmas?"

"Don't see why not." James says. "Why? Where d'you want to go?"

"McKinnon mentioned something about her parents renting out a house in the Lake District every year." He shrugs as best he can. "Something like that, maybe? Might be fun." He's doing that thing that James hates, where he sounds so completely unsure of himself that everything comes out as a question.

Lily nods. "Petunia has my mum this year, so I'm free." Her hand stills in Sirius' hair and she tilts her head. "If you want me along, that is."

"Obviously." Sirius snorts. "You trust us two to go alone?"

James doesn't even point out that he hasn't agreed yet. He just nods agreeably when Lily looks to him for confirmation.

"Road trip it is, then." She leans her head on James' shoulder and takes a sip of tea. "Where to?"

"Scotland." James says immediately, pulling a face at Sirius when he narrows his eyes. "You want an _actual_ road trip, right?"

Lily sniggers and then laughs at the frown Sirius gives her. "He has a point."

"Yeah, alright." He allows, turning his attention back to James' wrist. "Don't really care, so long as it's with you."

James shares a quick smile with Lily, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. She makes a soft noise in the back of her throat and then leans forwards to put her empty mug on the floor. "I'll look into it, shall I?"

Sirius scoffs. "You're only saying that, so you have an excuse to skive off doing any actual work."

"This is more important." Lily insists, smile sly. "Besides, no one actually checks what you're meant to be doing anyway."

They end up in Aviemore – a choice made entirely because of how pretty the pictures of the cabin had been, no matter how many times Lily tries to deny it. They've been here for three days already and she's only just about stopped vibrating with excitement.

"This what you imagined?" James asks, watching Lily attempt to wrangle a piece of tinsel around the tree they'd somehow managed to get into the living room. He still isn't exactly sure how they'd done it.

Sirius stands at his shoulder, a slight smile pulling at his mouth. His hair is down for once, and he pushes some of it out of his face, huffing when it catches on the silver ring in his nose. It's new, and much to his frustration, he's still getting used to it. "Not really." He says, eventually. He glances over at James and quirks an eyebrow. "Better, to be honest."

James' throat goes dry. "Yeah. Yeah, it is." He knocks his knuckles against Sirius' hand and manages a smile when nimble fingers latch on. "I'm glad you're here."

"Sap." Sirius says mildly. He gives James' fingers a squeeze and then eases free. "Best go help Evans before that tree comes down on top of her."

"Heaven forbid." James says with a weak laugh. He lets Sirius go, watches him skirt the entirely too comfortable leather sofa that takes up most of the room. He comes to a stop beside the huge box of decorations Lily had convinced them to fit in the _very_ small boot of his car and frowns at it.

"Take this." Lily says, shoving a tube of baubles at him and grinning when he turns the frown on her.

"This feels excessive." Sirius protests, pulling the lid off and tipping the first glittery bauble into his hand anyway.

Lily laughs. "Where's your Christmas spirit, Black?"

"You seem to have enough for both of us." Sirius says, stepping towards the tree with the bauble held aloft. "Where do you want this?"

"Wherever looks best." Lily says, head almost buried in the box as she digs through its contents.

Sirius looks fairly lost at that idea, so James pushes off the wall he'd been leaning on and wanders over. "Need help?"

"No." Sirius murmurs, still looking up at the tree. He shakes his head and then puts the bauble on the nearest branch. He fusses with it for a moment and then looks at James, and no matter how much he'll try and deny it, he's _excited._ He wipes excess glitter off on his jeans and thrusts the tube of baubles at James. "Your turn." He says, voice barely above a whisper.

"I still think all this decorating is excessive." Sirius grumbles the next morning as he settles back into bed. There's a mug of coffee gripped between his palms, and his hair is sticking up at the back, but he's relaxed against the pillows. "Who needs _that_ many window stickers."

"Learn how to have fun." James mumbles into his bare shoulder, eyes still closed. He makes a sleepy noise of protest when Sirius shifts around slightly and burrows closer when he stops. He's vaguely aware of the en suite shower running and Lily's muffled humming.

Sirius flicks him in the forehead. "I'm just saying, we're only here for another week. What's the point?"

"You wanted a proper Christmas." James reminds him, lifting his head enough to glare blearily up at him. "So you're getting one, tacky decorations and all."

"Alright." Sirius says. It's more like a breath, ghosting out across James' forehead as Sirius rests his cheek against the top of his head. "Your hair's itchy." He complains a few minutes later, although there's no real heat behind it.

James shakes his head deliberately and snorts when Sirius swears at him. The shower turns off and Lily's humming grows loud enough for him to realise she's actually singing.

"Why do I put up with you?" Sirius asks the ceiling.

"You _loooooove_ me." James singsongs, before breaking into giggles. He buries his face into Sirius' shoulder, his own shaking as he fights to gain control of his amusement.

"Unfortunately."

The bathroom door opens, and James feels the heat of it even from the other side of the room. The carpet is so thick that James doesn't even hear Lily cross the room until she's climbing back onto the bed behind him. A small, warm hand winds around his waist and he hums.

"What did I miss?" Lily's voice is muffled from where she's tucked her forehead into the crook of his neck.

"James is being annoying." Sirius replies idly, taking a sip of coffee and raising his eyebrows innocently when James squints at him.

"When isn't he?" Lily asks, laughing when James reaches back to swat at her.

"This isn't 'gang up on James day'." He moans. He shuffles around so he can wrap an arm around Lily, careful not to dislodge Sirius' hand from where it's started tracing patterns into his arm.

Lily sniggers, and Sirius is outright laughing at him. "Yes, it is."


	2. cause you're everything that's possible

Christmas morning arrives with little fanfare. There's a heavy sheet of snow outside when James finally manages to pull himself into consciousness. He does it slowly, the warm weight of Lily against his back, and Sirius' bony shoulder digging into his cheek make a good argument for dragging him back under.

Sirius shifts beside him, stretching out with a yawn and narrowly avoiding clipping James in the head with his hand. He looks down at James' grumbling and smiles tiredly. "Mornin'."

"Morning." James parrots, mouth dry and cloying. He clears his throat and winces. "Time is't?"

"Too early for whatever you're planning." Sirius says, but he leans over to grab his phone from the nightstand anyway. It gives James a good look at the tattoo on his ribs, and he slides his hand up so he can trace over the lines of it with his fingers. He smiles at the way Sirius' skin jumps under his fingertips. "Having fun?" Sirius asks, glancing over his shoulder with raised eyebrows and a slight smile.

"Always." James promises, pressing a kiss to Sirius' ribs, before stretching out. Lily grumbles about it but relaxes her hold on him enough for him to sit up. "Time?" He says, poking Sirius in the arm.

Sirius swats at him. "Just gone eight."

Lily lets out a long, frustrated groan behind him and slowly sits up enough to rest her weight on her palms. Her hair is a mess, tangled strands hanging in her face, and she lets James push them out of the way with what can only be described as a pout. "S'too early."

"Even for Christmas?" Sirius asks with a grin.

Lily's eyes widen, and a smile breaks out almost immediately. "Christmas! Get up, get up, get up!" She says, grabbing at James' arm and pulling at him until he reluctantly stumbles free of the duvet.

It's cold outside the bed, and he internally curses the fact he's only wearing pyjama bottoms. He pads over to the armchair in the corner and rescues the jumper he'd discarded over the back of it, ignoring the way Sirius is sniggering at him. Once he's managed to find his glasses – on top of the chest of drawers and out of the way of any potentially flailing limbs – he turns to find Lily tugging uselessly at Sirius' arm.

" _C'mooooon_." She grunts, digging her heels in and _pulling_. It does nothing other than make her feet slip over the carpet and she huffs, letting her arms fall back down to her sides. "Sirius."

"Evans." He says. There's a smile playing at the corners of his mouth and his hair is falling into his face. It softens the edges of him, makes him seem a lot less angry at the world.

James sighs, a tad overdramatically, even for him. "I'm making breakfast." He announces, bending to pick up a pair of mismatched socks off the floor before leaving. He shoves them on his feet, wiggles his toes, and gives them one last look as he closes the door behind him. He hears Lily yelp, and then break out into giggles and it makes him smile.

The kitchen is a huge modern monstrosity, so startlingly white and shiny that it makes James feel like he's managed to step into every interior decorating magazine his mum's ever collected. He heads for the fridge, snorting at the abundance of food they had managed to fit in it. It's a real-life version of Tetris, if ever he's seen one. The sound of bare feet hitting tile has him turning his head and smiling when Lily's chin hooks over his shoulder, her arms wrapping around his waist.

"Did you win?" He asks, feeling more than hearing her resounding huff of laughter.

"Only on the promise of coffee." She says, giving his waist a squeeze before reluctantly pulling away. She walks over to the coffee machine, pulling her hair into an attempt at a ponytail as she goes. She turns it on and then leans her hip against the counter, arms crossed over her chest. "What are we having?"

James frowns and looks back at the fridge. "Fry up?" He's still holding the door open and he purses his lips when the chill finally bites into the tips of his fingertips.

"Sounds good to me." Lily says. " _Someone's_ not going to have a choice if he doesn't get up soon." She calls out, mischievous grin firmly in place. She winks at James when he glances over, his own lips twitching.

"I'm _awake_ , what more do you want?" Sirius calls back, but his voice is a lot closer than it would be if he were still in bed. A few seconds later his head appears around the doorframe, a fisted hand rubbing at his eyes. "You're both evil."

James starts pulling the needed ingredients from the shelves and dumping them on the counter beside him. He feels a hand trail across his lower back and looks up in time to see Sirius virtually collapse into Lily's outstretched arms, head burying into her shoulder. She lifts a hand to stroke through his hair and meets James' eye, grin gentling into a soft smile.

"I love you." Lily murmurs, quietly enough that James knows it's not meant for his ears. He lets the fridge door swing shut and starts digging through nearby cupboards for a frying pan.

* * *

The smell of roast pork wafting through to the living room is enough to make his stomach rumble. Sirius, who has his head resting against James' ribs, snorts.

"You _just_ ate." He says, reaching up to poke James in the belly. "How can you be hungry again _already_?"

"Greedy gannet, you are." Lily says, wandering back into the room. She's got a bottle of… something. James can't read the label from this far away. "That's what my mum would call you, anyway."

James shifts out of the way so she can sit back down and then rests his feet on her thighs. "She would _never._ Your mum loves me."

"Misguided is what she is." Sirius mutters, unable to avoid the fingers James dig into his ribs. He grunts, and then clamps a hand over James', pinning him in place. "I think we might all be."

"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me." James says with a theatrical gasp. He thumps their joined hands to his chest and grins at Sirius' eyeroll. "You hear that? Sirius _loves_ me."

Lily hums, choosing to pop the bottle open and taking a drag instead of actually answering. When she's put the bottle back on the carpet by her feet, she looks over at the tree and then back at them. "Presents?"

"Impatient." Sirius says, lazily tracing patterns into the skin of James' wrist. He sees the way she's looking at them and sighs. "Alright, Evans."

"Yes!" She crows, pushing off the sofa and virtually leaping over the coffee table to reach the tree. She pays no notice to James' complaints about the treatment of his feet, and frowns at them when they don't move fast enough for her liking. "C'mon."

James starts laughing, unable to stop himself. There's a blanket thrown over the back of the back of the sofa, its tassels tickling against his neck as his shoulders shake. He shoves at it, sighing when he hears it start sliding towards the floor.

Sirius sits up, every movement a very clear broadcast of how much he doesn't want to. He rubs a hand over his face and then uses the same hand to try and fix his hair.

"I'm gonna start opening them without you." Lily warns. She's on her knees, arm shoved under the lowest branches until the only part left visible is her shoulder.

"What are you even doing?" Sirius asks, swinging his feet to the floor. He still doesn't look like he's in any particular hurry to get up, almost melting into the comforting hand James runs down his back.

"I'm _trying_ ," Lily says, almost losing her balance and falling face first into the tree, "to find… the, ah-" She cuts herself off with a victorious cheer. They'd spent an hour last night checking the fairy lights work, and it was worth it because they spring to life immediately. The room turns a soft yellow, the light dancing over Lily's hair. "That. That's what I was doing."

Sirius smiles, the angles of his face softened by the lights. James leans forwards enough to kiss him on the cheek and uses the momentum to clamber to his feet. He holds out a hand and helps pull Sirius to his feet as well.

"C'mon then. Let's get this started." He says, stroking Sirius' cheekbone with the backs of his knuckles. He matches Sirius' gentle smile with one of his own. "Before she starts throwing decorations at us."

"I would _not_." Lily protests. She's escaped the tree and is sitting cross-legged in front of it, her knees bouncing in excitement. "Do you have _any_ idea how much some of these cost?"

James huffs through his nose. "Typical. Your concern for our hypothetical wellbeing is noted." He lets Sirius go when he starts wandering in Lily's direction.

"Oh, please." Lily grins, mischievous and full of trouble. God, but James loves her. "I know _you'd_ survive the ordeal – your head's certainly hard enough."

"I wouldn't advise it." Sirius sinks down beside her, pulling a present towards himself and looking at the tag. "You might kill off his last two working brain cells."

* * *

The rest of the morning passes without much incident – an impressive feat given that they manage to work their way through two bottles of wine between them over lunch. Even more impressive when considering that James had only tried to light the fire _after_ his third glass _and_ had virtually no idea of what he was doing.

"We're both very proud." His mum says when he phones her just after they've finished clearing up. Her voice is wry, and he can very clearly hear the laugh she's trying to hide. "The fact you haven't burnt the place down yet is a testament to your skills."

" _Thanks_." He says sarcastically. "I didn't phone you to be bullied, you know. I get enough of that with these two." He jerks his chin at Lily and Sirius, who are curled up on the sofa together, even though his mum can't see them. Lily's wearing the new jumper her mother had bought for her, and Sirius is trying to read one of the books James had received upside down.

At James' statement, Sirius lowers the book, so he can tilt his head back and look at him. "That Mum?" He asks quietly.

James nods, fighting a smile when Sirius holds out an impatient hand. "Your other son wants to talk to you."

"Ooooh, hand him over." Euphemia says. "I miss my boy."

"Sometimes I'm convinced you've forgotten which one of us you actually carried around for nine months." He says drily, padding across the floor so he can hand the phone over anyway. "It's me, by the way. Just in case you have."

Euphemia snorts. "Yes, but I'm _stuck_ with you; you're mine whether I like it or not. I _chose_ Sirius."

"Gee, thanks." James holds out the phone to Sirius with a wink. "Alright, bye." He calls as Sirius holds the phone up to his ear.

"Hello, Mum."

James shakes his head and then wanders back out towards the kitchen. He flicks the kettle on to boil and leans against the counter, so he can look out the window. The fields beyond are covered in untouched snow, as far as the eye can see. It's not snowing anymore, but the sky suggests it'll pick back up later. He watches a robin land on the windowsill, its tiny feet barely making an indent in the snow as it hops about. It startles and flies off when Lily appears in the reflection behind him. Her hands are shoved into the pockets of her pyjamas.

"You okay?" She asks, voice soft. She walks over to him slowly, wrapping her arms around his waist and snuggling into him when he makes no move to stop her. He loops his arms around her neck and pulls her closer, resting his cheek against her hair.

"Of course." He says, frowning slightly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know." She says into his t-shirt. "Just… it'd be okay if you weren't."

James lets out a sigh, shoulders slumping. "I'm fine." He promises, and he _means_ it, whether anyone else believes him or not. He wouldn't deny Sirius _anything_ , let alone loving parents who actually want him around, and he knows that Sirius _knows that_. Which is all that matters, really. The kettle boils over and Lily lets him go long enough for him to go through the motions of making a cup of tea. "You want one?"

"Please." She says. And here's the wonderful part, the bit James loves the absolute _most_ out of all of her wonderful parts: she lets it go. She reaches into the cupboard and pulls out three mugs without question. She has to stand on her tiptoes to reach, and pulls a face when he laughs at her.

"You're a good'un, Lily Evans." He says.

She smiles at him, beautiful and brilliant. "You're not so bad yourself, James _Fleamont_ Potter." She laughs at his longsuffering groan and leans up to kiss him, smiling into his mouth.

* * *

"So how was your first _proper_ Christmas?" James asks, hours later when they've cleaned up as much as any of them are willing to. There's a black bag full of wrapping paper in his peripheral vision, and the smell of Fairy sits in his nose. "As good as you hoped?"

"I wasn't 'hoping' for anything." Sirius says. He's on the floor in front of Lily, letting her play with his hair however she likes. He looks up from the book he's reading – to no one's surprise he's almost finished it already, even though it's as thick as a brick. He smirks a little when he meets James' eye. "But it was alright."

"Enough to do it again?" Lily's voice is muffled because of the hairband she has clenched between her teeth. She's got Sirius' hair in a loose plait and takes the hairband out of her mouth to wrap around the end. "Not that you have much choice, really. You're kind of stuck with us."

James taps the remote control against his thigh as he finally finds a channel to settle on. Soft music pours from the speakers dotted around the room. "Well, that and Christmas comes this time each year." He says in time with the song. He laughs when two hands reach out to smack him.

"I'm never going to love it." Sirius says eventually. He rubs a hand over Lily's knee and attempts to pat James', although he misses his mark and ends up swatting him on the shin. "I don't think I _can_. But… this was good. What we did today… was _good_ ,"

Lily bends over so that she can press her forehead to the crown of Sirius' head. "I love you."

"Think about it this way." James teases, reaching out to wrap his hand around the back of Sirius' neck. "More food for us."

"Hey!" Sirius says, head shooting up and dislodging Lily. She doesn't seem to mind, smoothing a hand over his shoulder instead. "I didn't say _anything_ about disliking the food."

"Christmas loving privileges only, sorry." He says, squeezing gently.

Sirius gets to his feet slowly, grunting when various joints pop back into place. He stands in front of James, and just _looks_ at him for a moment, as if he has his very soul laid out in front of him. If James is being honest with himself, he _does_. He bends down, and takes James' face between his palms, still just _looking_. "What if I love you? What does that get me?"

 _Everything_ , is the immediate answer on James' tongue. He doesn't _say_ it, because his mouth has gone dry and he has to swallow a few times before he can speak again. "We might be able to make some arrangements."

"Oh, good." Sirius murmurs, leaning in to kiss him. "Lucky that I love you then, huh?"

Lucky indeed.


End file.
